I remember being asked to speak at my son’s high school; the administration asked if I could come in and talk to kids about careers, career planning and what it’s like to work in a large organization. After what I am sure they thought was an invigorating speech about business (okay, they didn’t fall asleep or throw anything at me), a young girl raised her hand and said,
“ I want to be successful. What’s the one thing I need to do to be successful?” So I asked her to define “success.” She proceeded to say, “ I want to be a millionaire,” and then I said, “Okay, what else?” She said, “That’s it; I want to be rich.”
I then said:
“Okay, if you are rich but lonely and never find love or have your own family- will you still be successful?
If you are rich but are detested and despised by the people around you - will you still be successful?
If you are rich but lose your mental or physical health, will you still be successful?
If you are rich but become estranged from your parents and closest friends- will you still be successful?
If you are rich but lose yourself completely, will you be successful?”
She looked stunned at my questions.
The room went quiet.
Young people know that success is not just money, fame, and status, yet they are still mesmerized by the rich and miserable.
The situation reminded me of one of a quote by Jim Carrey when he said:
"I hope everybody can get rich and famous and will have everything they ever dreamed of, so they will know that it’s not the answer."
-Jim Carrey
Pleasure vs. Happiness
When we think about what will bring us happiness in life, the first thoughts often center on material gains, financial wealth, or social status but these are instruments of pleasure not happiness.
We believe that success is something we build brick by brick through hard work, promotions, and accolades. But research from a seventy-five-year Harvard study, chronicled in The Good Life, tells a different story. The biggest determinant of happiness and health in old age isn’t wealth, fame, social status or genetics—it’s the strength of our relationships.
In fact, people with the strongest relationships at age fifty are the happiest and healthiest in their eighties. Yet many of us, particularly in our twenties, thirties, and forties, sacrifice relationships in the name of career ambitions. We put in long hours, take on more responsibility, and accept the hustle as a necessary rite of passage—all while friendships, family time, and community connections fall by the wayside. And even when we succeed in the traditional sense, we often feel isolated, wondering why the fulfillment we were promised seems so elusive.
The Loneliness You Don’t See Coming
Many professionals, especially in the early and middle stages of their careers, don’t recognize how profoundly lonely they’ve become. The constant cycle of overwork, exhaustion, and fight-or-flight mode keeps them distracted. They’re so focused on growing, providing, and achieving that they don’t have the capacity to notice how disconnected they are from the relationships that matter most. Burnout numbs them to this reality, layering exhaustion over any chance for meaningful introspection.
By the time they pause to catch their breath—if they ever do—they might see how little time and energy they've been able to invest in those connections. They were too focused on providing, climbing the ladder, or chasing the next promotion to notice the growing distance between themselves and their loved ones.
Stopping this cycle means digging deep—taking the time to ask yourself the tough questions.
What are the relationships that matter most to me? What state are they in? Are they healthy, thriving, or barely hanging on? Are they on life support? Have I let them deteriorate to the point where repair feels impossible? How do I resuscitate them?
This kind of audit is essential. Once you understand where your relationships stand, you can begin to reinvest in them. It’s not an overnight process, but it starts by facing the truth about how much—or how little—you’ve nurtured the connections that sustain you.
Relationships Are a Long-Term Investment
Investing in relationships is a lot like investing in the stock market. When you invest for the long haul, you understand that not every year will yield great returns. Some years will be prosperous, filled with joy and connection, while others will be challenging—full of setbacks, misunderstandings, or periods of emotional distance. But just as we stay the course with financial investments, knowing that markets fluctuate, we need the same patience and resilience when nurturing relationships. Over time, the cumulative investment pays off in the form of deeper trust, companionship, and mutual support.
There are also parallels to risk tolerance in financial portfolios. Some relationships may feel like high-risk stocks—volatile, uncertain, and emotionally taxing. They may not always yield immediate or visible returns. Sometimes those relationships don't pay off at all. But other times, they can bring transformative growth and deeper understanding. It’s about knowing which relationships are worth the effort and which risks, ultimately, won't serve your well-being.
The key is to take a long-term view. Just as we prepare for financial security in retirement through consistent saving and wise investment choices, we should approach our relationships with the same mindset. The people who are happiest and healthiest later in life are those who steadily invested in their relationships—even through tough times—understanding that short-term discomfort often leads to long-term fulfillment.
The Downside of "Protect Your Peace" Culture
In today’s culture, there's a growing narrative around "protecting your peace"—an idea that encourages cutting out difficult relationships to avoid discomfort. On the surface, it seems like healthy advice, especially for those recovering from toxic environments. But when taken too far, it risks creating a mindset where any relationship that involves conflict, compromise, or emotional labor is seen as not worth the effort.
This is particularly concerning for younger generations, many of whom have been raised in a world that prioritizes instant gratification and curated experiences. The truth is, meaningful relationships are anything but easy. They take effort, patience, and resilience. Real connections come with disagreements, disappointments, and moments of discomfort. Boundaries will get tested, and conflicts will arise—not because the relationships are toxic, but because vulnerability and growth require both parties to navigate those challenges together.
If we think we can build long-lasting, meaningful relationships without confronting discomfort, we’re fooling ourselves. The relationships that bring happiness and health later in life are forged through the hard work of communication, empathy, and forgiveness. This isn’t about staying in unhealthy dynamics but about learning to discern between discomfort that fosters growth and discomfort that causes harm.
So alongside the call to audit your relationships, there's another question to reflect on: Have I been too quick to walk away from relationships that were hard but worth nurturing? Am I willing to lean into discomfort to create and maintain the connections that will sustain me in the future?
Without this willingness to invest deeply and sometimes painfully, we risk not only loneliness but also the erosion of the very support systems that will define our long-term well-being.
Happiness is about Healthy Connections
Ultimately, happiness and success aren’t about reaching the top of a corporate ladder or amassing a fortune. They’re about having strong, enduring relationships that enrich your life. If you want a fulfilling future, start investing in your relationships today.
You’ll thank yourself later—not just in retirement but in every season of life that follows.
Until next time, take care of yourselves and those around you.
In Partnership,
Nabeela
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